I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult