this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize