Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!