Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
