Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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