Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
