If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
