Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
