the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
