I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
