Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
