dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
