I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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