Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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