I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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