hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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