I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
