hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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