Pappa wants mamma naked
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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