**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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