Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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