he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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