My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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