And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
