Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He better not be in your backpack
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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