I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
