i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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