I think I died a long time ago.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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