those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
FUCK WHALES
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