nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
