Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
