I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
