no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
