definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
