Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize