They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
