is your mom at the bar?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
