She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
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It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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