3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
