I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
