I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
