Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
