I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
