i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
