u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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