it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You pole danced in your parka.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
