I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
