it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
