The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
