I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
