So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
