If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
