if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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