I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
