I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
