the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
