But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
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I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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