While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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