Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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