someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
