Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
