omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
