I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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