I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
