life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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