You work out of a Hotel?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
