party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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