On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The air taste purple.
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